In my last blog I shared that my husband and I shared our 10 year wedding anniversary.
I cannot believe it has been 10 years.
August is a big month for weddings in my circle of family and friends. I know of at least 5 who have gotten married in August over the past 10 years that we’ve been married. Another couple we are great friends with is getting married this weekend, so I thought I would share some things I’ve learned this past decade.
Communication is honestly the biggest thing about marriage. There are so many arguments that I could’ve avoided by simply communicating my feelings. When we attending our pre-wedding marriage counseling, that was a huge focus.
We are not perfect, and have to continuously remember “communicate like two lovers, not two lawyers.”
Yes, you may have been married for 1 month or 35 years, but you have to continue to date your spouse, and keep learning about them. I still learn more about my husband everyday. You don’t have to “go out” to have a date night. Just turn on a good movie, or have a quiet dinner after the babies go to bed at night. Just keep dating your husband.
Never stop trying.
Marriage is hard. Especially if you have kids, careers, bills, etc.
You just have to remember the reason you fell in love with that person. We can’t ever go back in time, but I am a firm believer that marriage is forever, for better or for worse. Love your partner the way you want to be loved.
Enjoy your life.
Life is always changing and evolving. I am so lucky to have found my partner when I did. We have had so many good years, and are continuing to build a life that we enjoy. Our kids make this, life so much more enjoyable.
I’m still in shock it’s been a whole decade, and I’m so excited for what’s to come.
I Lost count on how many times a day I say “what’s in your mouth” “come back here please”, “no get down.” It must be enough because my toddlers favorite word is NONONO now…oops! (She’s a week shy of 17 months by the way.)
Yet still my baby who likes to be rocked and cuddled to sleep and is still so so sweet. I miss the baby stages I really do, but this new adventurous toddler stage is so fun and so exhausting.
How does one have enough patience in the day without full break down and exhaustion… the answer is.. well you nearly don’t.
I became a “stay at home mom” the week my daughter turned one and this pandemic shut down began. I was and am SO excited to stay home and spend more time with her but it was so draining to not see any friends or family or basically the outside of our house since it was still cold out.
Now that we are looking at this being the new “normal” for a while here are some tips that have saved me!
Tip 1: The mom guilt! Don’t feel guilty about napping when they nap. Or even to binge watch TV all day. There’s so many expectations that the house should look immaculate if you’re a “stay at home mom”, but let me tell you, its just going to be messy in 5 minutes again, so TAKE THE NAP! Or do something for yourself mama.
Tip 2: Make mommy friends! It can be the most uncomfortable feeling putting yourself out there to make mommy friends but its been so worth it for me AND my toddler! Find a local group if available and reach out you never know you might have a reply within 5 minutes (I did!) Pre Covid we attended a weekly music group and newborns support group and I’m so thankful to have met some lifelong friends from those groups, so it’s never too late to find mommy friends! I also used the peanut app briefly when my daughter was first born, it’s a great way to connect with other moms either in your area or not in your area.
Tip 3: Get adventurous, and don’t be afraid to get dirty ! Check out the site “busy toddlers and beyond” on Facebook it’s been a lifesaver. Parents/caregivers provide pictures of activities to do with your toddler or any age! Some favorites for us have been sensory boxes, water activities, or using recyclables.
Or another way to get adventurous is to try out a new park and have a picnic! I know for a while the playgrounds were closed down, it was even refreshing to go for a daily walk or two to a local park and just let your toddler RUN!!
I hope my three tips helped you maybe get out of a funk of feeling like you’re going crazy or out of ideas and remember YOU’RE NOT ALONE, and THEY ARE ONLY LITTLE ONCE!
(The following is not advice, I am not a doctor or a dietician, these are only my personal views/experiences)
Weaning – What the fuck?
Ok can I just say the following may be considered a rant, it may be considered off loading or a touch too honest, but if you have a child, especially a fussy arse child with reflux and a CMPA then YOU my friend will probably relate to the following!
So I had my baby in a stressful environment, it was stressful due to the fact the kid was trying to but his way out of my bumhole for the best part of 12 hours before the midwives realised he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. But when he was here, I had flashes of this spectacular duck to water situation where all this motherly wisdom would wash over me like a waterfall on a secluded pond, but let me tell ya… I was wrong!
I trust my gut 99% of the time but dieticians, anxiety, GOOGLE SEARCHES, drs, lack of health visitors and friends personal worries unfortunately have their effects. If you know you know.
Now I started weaning my terror tot at just over 5 months, no I didn’t have drs say so, I didn’t have health visitor or dieticians agreement but let me just tell you, I’m his mum. I told the dr he had reflux, I told the dr he had a CMPA, and I’M the one who kept in touch with the health visitor who, once COVID hit, quite frankly couldn’t give a shite, so instinct is all I had, back to the caves we go! At first he was brilliant, he LOVED the purees, however my son is the type of child who learns fast but then gets bored quickly. So two days in and the refusal started, in all honesty look at my site the kid picks things up at the drop of a hat, masters them and then thinks sod it I know I can so lets stop.
Changes. People have said ‘oh soon as you feed him you’ll notice he’ll sleep better’ well, what a lying sack of shit that was. Soon as he started weaning BAM the mid night feeds came in, and I don’t mean feeding at midnight, no no, I mean 2,3,4,5am you name it we’ve had it! My son was sleeping 9/10 hour nights through, I look back on them times fondly. I thought shit, have I done the wrong thing, have I broke my baby? So I did what every good mum does with a good internet connection, I hit Google. And you know what I found? It’s NORMAL! Normal! Not to mention he’s at prime sleep regression age, like we just got over one what did I do in a past life to deserve this
. So now he’s slamming his legs in the night, he’s waking crying and he’s desperate for a feed. I know you’re probably thinking ‘are you sure it’s nothing else?’ Well, slap on your I’m sorry smile, because trust me he’s perfectly fine. Oh, other than teething, out of nowhere the little shit bit me last week and I realized he had sprouted not one tooth at the bottom front but two! My 5 month old now has 2 teeth, beats me on the regular and refuses to sleep. Can I sue him for this? Like if this was a relationship and it was his dad doing this it would be out and put abuse, but when it’s a baby people say it’s CUTE! You know what I’m saying if you have kids. They scream ‘aw the baby’, they rag your hair with their tiny raccoon hands ‘haha ohh he’s a cheeky one, but look how cute’ HE shit on ME and my friend goes ‘aw it’s cute though’ SQUEEZE YOU! How is walking round smelling like a soggy nappy cute? I digress…
So weaning, as great as it is it’s not as easy as people make it out to be. Reflux = a lot of research, dietician appointments (via phone atm, fuck you Rona!), and major guess work. We have now realised blueberries are a no no, with in 10 minutes he had launched them back up, but as many with a child with reflux know, it’s as if it’s perfectly normal to throw it back up. Mums on the case. Pears and apples are his absolute favourite but I still find myself eye hawking my son like a food stalker, because that’s kind of what we are. Also I have tried him with free from bread, this means free from gluten, soy and dairy, and whatever other ingredients they can’t have, I also used dairy and soy free butter to taste, for those who are so fast to say ‘you shouldn’t do that’ he had been weaning for 3 weeks and I had hold of it, and you’ll be pleased to know he licked it, took it off me and squashed it into his jumparoo whilst smiling, sooo, more fun for me. Nothing says piss off with your shitty fake food mum, like having to clean greasy crumbs from underneath a plastic monkeys arse
How did I know he was ready to wean? I did my research, I also got the dietician sheets from my friend whose daughter is 5 days older than my son and has exactly the same dietary needs as him. My son can hold his head up with ease, he was fully sitting up and rolling over. He was always reaching for our food and trying to bite it. He was also mimicking us chewing our food and on top of all of this, when we had food and he had a bottle he would completely lose interest in his bottle and throw it and go for our food. He has a brilliant appetite so I knew what was going on there, but as always you know your baby best I will NEVER tell someone how to parent, I’m not you and your child, every need and dynamic is different.
So what I take from this weaning is, slow and steady wins the race, go in with an open mind your child may not like what you’re trying first off (my son likes avocado but not bananas the weirdo!) And make sure you do your research. Honestly we have all of these wonderful resources at our disposal to not make the most of them is silly to me. It’s hard work, but after my own health visitor telling me my son may ‘just have a bug’ when he was having a reaction to milk he had been put on and get his age wrong, I decided his well being is completely on me. I wont rely on strangers to tell me how to raise him. And to be honest, he is flourishing, he is doing brilliantly (our doctor told me I’m doing a great job so I’ll take that) and I’ll only try him on natural things (bar the bread and butter he didn’t care about). You do you but make sure you are safe and only doing what is best for your family.
I hope you enjoyed this post, I’m nothing if not honest.
Until next time stay safe and don’t be a stranger.
I love reading and watching day in the life blog posts and vlogs so I thought, why not give it a try?
So today I am sharing with you my day in the life of a working mom.
Everyday is different of course but this is just a glimpse at my work days!
6:45am-7:00am- Bub wakes up so that means I wake up even though I am silently missing my snoozin’ in days lately! Anyone else as well?
7:15am-7:45am- Small bottle to make bub happy and get a little morning cuddle time in.
8:15-8:30am- Breakfast for bub which his fav right now as a newly 1-year-old is mini pancakes and fruit! He also likes eggs as well.
8:45am- That first sip of coffee soothes the soul every single morning.
9:00am-9:45am- Play time. We usually play inside and he tears up the house or if it’s a nice morning we head outside and play in the yard.
10:00am-10:30am- I quickly finish getting ready. I shower the night before since mornings are the most hectic and all I have to do is brush out my hair and put a crap ton of concealer on to hide those dark circles so people think I’m human and not the zombie that I am most days.
10:45am- The absolute worst part of my day. The time when I leave for work and my wonderful family gets bub for the day. I dread it, there are tears involved every time. My son will bawl his eyes out until he no longer sees me and I cry inside every single time.
11:00am-2:00pm- Working and constantly checking in on my son because I am that mom.
2:30pm-3:00pm- Stuffing my face for a quick lunch.
3:00pm-7:00pm- Work but then again constantly checking in on my son even when my husband is home with him. Sorry not sorry 🤣
7:15pm- I am home and I usually rush to take my work clothes off and put comfys on because sweat pants are life and then scoop up my bub and give him a big hug.
8:00pm-Night time routine. A bottle and cuddles and usually a story or two while we relax.
8:30pm-9:00pm- Bub goes to bed and I cuddle a little bit while he sleeps because working 11-7 stinks. I get all morning with him but nights are short ☹️
9:30pm- I shower and put my pjs on and cuddle up with my hubby on the couch for TV time or if we are super tired we lay down in bed. Our fav right now is Cheers on Hulu!
10:30pm-11:00pm- Bed time! This changes daily because on my days off I sometimes stay up later and on working days I can sometimes be passed out by like 9:00pm like my son honestly.
I hope you enjoyed this. I know my work schedule is a little different than a normal 9-5 job so I thought it would be interesting to see how I do my mornings and nights with my son.
Working and being a parent is hard. It’s hard to juggle it all and everyone’s days are just so different!
But the reason why we made this blog and what we love to say here is that all you moms (& dads of course) rock and we love being apart of the motherhood clan 😊
You know how when we were little and were playing house and you would dream of a beautiful picture perfect life with a spouse and 3 children living in a mansion just happy as can be? Cooking up breakfast, lunch and dinner every day on your little plastic kitchen set?
Well, all of that can defiantly happen but the reality of what your days are actually like vs. what you used to dream about??
Am I right?
Today I would love to talk about reality vs. expectation in the parenting world. I feel like we expect so much but then get disappointed when the outcome is different and it’s totally normal but we need to embrace the reality, because this parenting gig? Hardest thing in the world but it is just the best ever!
Expectation- My children will never throw a tantrum in aisle 5 at the grocery store.
My child will be perfect and never show their feelings or have a meltdown because that’s just embarrassing.
HA HA…..hahaha. The minute you said no coco puffs was the minute you lost that perfection battle. Tantrums are so normal and you just have to embrace them. Haven’t you ever had a meltdown in aisle 5? You might not have shown it the same way, maybe you had a quiet one because you were so tired from working all day but had to go to the grocery store anyway. It’s just how feelings are shown and kids just like us have every right to feel…even if it is embarrassing.
Expectation- Social Media.
I made this homemade perfect meal, I must post on Instagram. My baby just can’t stop smiling right now, always so happy! I cleaned the whole entire house, I need to show it off.
Bribing is just the best way to get great pictures I will tell you that! Oh and that perfect clean house? Yeah…that is just one area, you should see the rest of it! That perfect homemade meal I made? Only happens about once a week….if that. Social media can be so toxic, I promise you that all the perfect mama’s you think are on there all have the reality of daily life happening as well so remember…DO NOT COMPARE!
Expectation- What my kids eat.
All organic, no added sugar, fruits and veggies galore.
Oh my goodness, I thought I could be a total organic mom and I do try to as much as I can and my son does love fruit but I mean lets get real. This kid also loves French fries and popsicles and that’s ok too!
Expectation- I will not change after having children.
I will still have my social life and pamper myself and eat healthy and exercise just like I am right now.
Oh man this was a big one for me. More on the social life, I can’t believe how hard it is to keep up a social life with children. I feel like there isn’t even enough hours in the day to go to work and come home and be a mom and a wife! My body has changed, my thinking has changed, my whole life has changed and I am defiantly not who I was before having my baby and you know what? THAT’S OK!
Expectation- Being a mom.
I will have it all together all the time. I will be able to balance my life perfectly. I will find the joy in every situation and be the best mom ever.
Most nights I will cry with a glass of wine wondering what I am doing wrong. I will think, how am I supposed to handle all of this? Working and being a mom just aren’t doable and I just can’t stop feeling guilty all of the time!
The truth is being a parent is hard. I rarely go to the bathroom alone these days. I don’t get more than a quick 5 minute shower most of the time. I feel like I am constantly cleaning or washing bottles or doing laundry and most of the time? I am just exhausted beyond repair and when I wake up in the morning? I still feel exhausted but do it all over again.
All these expecations we put out there? They just aren’t reality. They shouldn’t be though. Life isn’t perfect, whether you are a mom or not. That’s what makes life with these little’s so fun though. Yes they deserve our best, but sometimes it just dosen’t happen and that’s ok! Give yourself a break mama, you are doing amazing and you need to remember that!
Give into all of those cuddles, all of the boo boo kisses and the giggles and hugs. Also give into all the cries, the tantrums, the feet stomping and the yells because this life we call motherhood?
It’s so fun thinking back to last summer I did not so much at all because I had a newborn baby. But now it’s fun to enjoy the sunshine with my little man.
I had a hard time thinking of summer toys that I thought bub (our nickname) would enjoy.
I am learning that the attention span is nonexistent in these little ones. And that the tantrums are constant.
So here in Michigan we had a super hot weekend and we finally got to enjoy all of our outdoor summer toys we accumulated with bub turning 1!
I have rounded up a few that I think are perfect for 1-year-olds and up!
Bub has been absolutely loving his water table and truck! The truck he can’t yet get the hang of that he can actually walk with it but he loves being pushed around. And the big wheels on this one is perfect for rides in the backyard!
Wagon rides in the backyard have also been a fav! I absolutely love this radio flyer wagon. So much storage space, two seats with seatbelts and once again with the big wheels for rough terrain!
Small swing sets and slides are also so great for the younger ones! He loves climbing all around this swing set and it’s fun to watch him.
Who else just loves their backyard? I enjoy being out in ours so much just relaxing and playing!
The last thing we have but I don’t have a picture of is this awesome bike! It’s so fun for short walks and bub loves it. It also turns into a little bike for him when he’s old enough so you defiantly get your moneys worth!
As for me? I enjoyed a great 3 day weekend full of family.
Oh and High Noons which If you haven’t tried, you must! They are so refreshing. I’m not much of a vodka soda girl but I love grapefruit and I did really enjoy them.
Plus I am now sporting a really nice sunburn! My first of the Summer and I totally forgot how much it sucks to sleep with a sunburn!
You know what the best part about this weekend was though?
I forgot about the laundry piling up in my room.
I forgot about the dirty dishes filling my sink.
I forgot about the toys scattered around my house and the pillows that get thrown on the floor each day.
And you know what? I loved it.
These days we won’t ever get back, so I am trying to soak up every fun filled day I can with my guys!
The first man who asked me was my publisher. He has a wife and three kids. The next man was a man from my critique group. He read every chapter of the book and still didn’t understand. In fact, he thought I should scrap the whole project and work on my surrogacy book instead.
It wasn’t until my boyfriend, Larry, asked me that question and another question that I started realizing that men just don’t get it. The other question was, “Why is it such a big deal?”
I explained to Larry about the guilt I felt about my son’s babysitter being inappropriate with him. His response was, “That’s something you should feel least guilty about. There was no way you could have foreseen what she was going to do. Even statistically, women are less likely to molest children.”
My response, “That’s the thing I felt most guilty about. That’s what hurt him the most. That’s where I should have known better. That’s what I should have protected him from.”
All of this got me thinking about men not understanding mom guilt. So why don’t the?
I think the first reason is obvious. Men, aren’t moms. Even if they are a dad, they aren’t a mom. So it makes sense that they don’t understand mom guilt. If a man in your life doesn’t understand why you feel guilty, it doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care enough to understand. It simply means he’s not a mom, so he doesn’t get it.
Another reason men might not understand mom guilt is because men typically are more logical and women are more emotional. Larry proved that point to me. He looked at the babysitter situation logically. Is there any way I could have possibly known that a 12-year-old girl could hurt my son while babysitting him with her mother in the home? It’s pretty unlikely.
The point I want to make is that men and women are different (duh!) but that difference doesn’t make one or the other wrong. Our differences are meant to complement one another, not shame one another. I bet if Larry and I had been dating at the time, I wouldn’t have created so much guilt around the situation with the babysitter because we would have talked about how I was feeling, and he would have shown me the logical side. I can’t say that for sure obviously, but that’s the type of relationship we have and I always feel better after we talk things through.
I feel like it was just yesterday that I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test.
When the kicks and the excitement of hearing your heartbeat was like no other feeling.
When my water broke and your daddy and I had a panic attack thinking, “this is really happening. We are parents.”
When I held you in my arms for the first time.
When daddy and I were wondering how in the world we were going to be able to do this at home on our own.
Your sweet smiles and cuddles have been the absolute light of each day.
Watching you grow and learn and be the sweet, outspoken, adventurous little boy that you are has been the best ever.
Through these uncertain times, you and your daddy have been the constant joy I needed. And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous for you to grow up in this world.
As we approach your first birthday on Friday (silently crying) I can’t help but think of all the things I want to teach you.
You’re so sweet and innocent and I love being a mommy to such a precious, wild boy. As you grow I want you to know things, especially in the world we are living in now and even more so when you are older.
Your feelings matter. You matter and don’t ever forget that.
Dream big and chase those dreams because we will always be there chasing them with you.
Be kind. Always. People will always remember the way you treated them.
Treat everyone equally and don’t be afraid to.
Be whoever and whatever you want to be. You are forever supported.
No always means no, no matter what.
Stand up for what you believe in, your voice is always heard.
Use the words, “I love you” wisely. Three small words that have the biggest meaning.
Choose good friends, they have such an impact on your life.
Know that you will forever be loved, supported and taken care of, I promise you that.
I am so lucky to be your mama. I just want you to know that I will be there always, no matter what.
Monday mornings can be such a drag, especially after a Holiday weekend.
Luckily my son is being very good eating breakfast in his high-chair and letting me drink a HOT cup of coffee!
To be honest, I was having such a hard time thinking of what to write about for today’s blog post. Usually I have mine done far in advance but writer’s blog hit. My inspiration journal was just not doing it’s job and I couldn’t come up with a single thing I wanted to talk about.
So I thought for today, maybe we would just chat and get to know me a little better!
For those of you that are new, my names Amanda. I usually write the Monday posts here on Quirky Workin’ Moms.
I am 26 almost 27 in August. I’ve been married almost 2 years to a total sports fanatic that I have been with for 8 years! We have an adorable almost 1-year-old (silently crying while I say that) son who we just can’t get enough of! We are a pretty active family but most of the time you can find us on the couch watching The Office or Cheers on Netflix.
I am an avid reader and writer, I actually even have another blog more specific to the books I read called hanging with amanda. Anything romance or mystery/thriller is right up my alley. Even historical fiction as well!
I enjoy wine and margarita’s and the sunshine on my face. Fall is one of my favorite seasons, you can’t beat the beautiful colors in Michigan during the Fall. I absolutely LOVE dogs. We are hoping to get a golden retriever next year and it has me so excited.
Sweet Home Alabama and Legally Blonde are two of my fav movies. Every time Sweet Home Alabama is on TV you can usually find me stuffing my face with popcorn and chocolate.
The simple things in life like family and friends just make me so happy and that’s usually how I spend my days when I’m not working!
I’m just really happy we are connecting with so many other moms out there and bloggers like us! It’s been so much fun and we are just getting started! Plus today’s post marks our 20th one and that is exciting!
It’s time to heat up my second cup of coffee and get this little man of mine down for a nap.
Do we have anything in common? I would love to hear more about you all and your favorite things!